Today Long Island

Working mothers deal with a host of responsibilities and stress -- along with a heaping tablespoon of mommy guilt. Societal forces and beliefs pose certain “expectations” of a mother, such as keeping a tidy house, feeding nutritious meals to her family and pets, volunteering at school, carpooling, meeting professional performance standards, and so forth. It’s no wonder that today’s working mom is simply exhausted!

Many women think they must meet or exceed those expectations, and, if they don’t, are left feeling guilty, inadequate, anxious, stressed, and unhappy. It’s hard to teach your children to be happy if you, yourself, are miserable. From my experiences and observations, I have seen that happier mothers lead to happier families, which lead to happier children. And raising happy, healthy, and empowered children is the No. 1 goal.

What can you do to relieve the mommy guilt so you can get to work on leading a happy, productive, and fulfilled life? The following six tips will take you far on that journey.

1: Let things go: Let’s face it. We simply can’t do everything 100%. At night, after the kids are asleep, take some time to prioritize your goals. Look at both your schedule and your child’s schedule, and identify which events you need to be at and which ones you don’t. If you have to miss some activities, it’s OK. Sit down with your child and explain that you won’t there. Then refocus your child’s attention on the activity you can attend. Clear communication is critical. If your child sees that you are upset, he will be upset. If he sees you being strong, he will be strong. As long as we are honest and clear, everyone will be happy.

2: Maintain perspective: Is what you see really what you get? You bet! No event comes labeled. You are the labeler. Stop looking at what’s wrong and begin looking at what’s right. Always, always focus on the positive. Look at what you and your family have because you work. Write them all down and be thankful. Any situation can be labeled as a stumbling block or a stepping stone. It’s up to you which path you walk.

3: Live in the moment: Forget the regrets of yesterday, and stop waiting for the promises of tomorrow. In reality, all we have is today. Appreciate the smile on your child’s face, breathe in the air of the season, give your partner a kiss, and embrace today for all it’s worth. By doing this, you can go to bed knowing you did the best you could with what you have. By being grateful, we become peaceful.

4: Say no: Women constantly say “yes” to things because otherwise we feel “bad.” It is critical that we apply some self-care -- that is, to stop worrying so much about other people’s feelings and begin to consider our own. If you can’t do something, it’s fine. Kindly respond “no” and move on. The stressed caused by trying to do everything isn’t productive for anyone.

5: Schedule uninterrupted time with your children: Most moms can relate to having her children calling her name 100 times or tugging on her shirt as she tries to cook dinner, unload the dishwasher, schedule play dates, and so on. And this all happens within five minutes of walking in the door after an exhausting day at the office! That’s because your children simply want your undivided attention. The solution? Give it to them -- and do nothing else. When you get home, turn off your cell phone, ignore the ringing telephone, and don’t start cooking dinner. Take 15 to 30 minutes to be mom and nobody else. Focus 100% of your attention on them. Sit on the floor, lie on the couch -- it doesn’t really matter. What matters is you are giving your children you.

6: Laugh and have fun: Remember the days of no worries and a free spirit? Well, you can begin to get that free spirit back by taking time for yourself. Just like you take a shower every day, you should have time set aside just for you every day. It could be waking up 15 minutes earlier to enjoy a cup of coffee, or it could be writing your thoughts from the day in your journal just before bed. Find something you enjoy that will bring a smile to your face. If it’s hard to do this every day, start small with one or two days and slowly build up.

By taking control over your life and applying these six principles, in time you will notice that feelings of “mommy empowerment” will replace the feelings of “mommy guilt.” As for me, those feelings of mommy guilt were never invited guests in my mind, so I surely was not sorry to see them leave.

Have an empowered day!